My Testimony
When it comes to writing my testimony I get stumped just about every time. You see I can’t remember a time in my life when the Lord was not part of what was going on. I could spend a lot of time on all the negative events, which would certainly add a dramatic flare to this testimony, but the fact of the matter is that I really did not have a rough life.
As far back as I can remember I’ve had a relationship with my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. I remember very vividly going to church as a toddler, watching my father preach and my mother play the piano or organ. My mother says I was about 4 when I asked Jesus to come into my heart. As I got older, my parents had a parting of the ways, which is one of those negative times in my life, but again, the Lord was with me and protected me from many pitfalls that so many children of divorce face.
As I got older, I became more and more involved in church, and church leadership. As I entered middle school and high school, I found a niche with the music department of our local church, Calvary Assembly in Winter Park, Florida. Both my parents were accomplished musicians so I guess it music came easy for me. I learned both the electronic end of things, like the PA system, as well as started participating in the worship team.
When I entered High School, I took over the worship team for the Junior High service and by the end of High School, I was leading the high school “Rock House” worship team. Everything was going really well on the surface, but under it all I was really not satisfied or happy with my life. I don’t want to get into all the gory details, but there was a lot wrong in my life. Because of my “position” in the church I did not feel like I had any outlet or way to get help so I just internalized everything.
It was at this time that I came to a real turning point in my life. I had recently read Luke 18:18, which is the story about the ruler who was given a choice and chance at eternal life but did not like what it would cost him. He walked away because he had great riches and wouldn’t let go of them. In any case this story really spoke to me, though I really did not know what it was saying at the time. Shortly thereafter it was graduation time and my father, whom I had not seen in a while, was down for the event. During that visit he offered to let me come back to Vermont with him and work in the ministry, but I chose to stay in Florida and attend college and continue with my church. Later I came to realize the importance of the Luke 18:18 message. I had done exactly what that young man did in the Bible. I may not have had great “riches” but I had “my life” that I was not willing to give up just yet. Fortunately, the Lord gave me another chance.
I was in the middle of the second semester of my freshman year at Rollins College and decided to visit my dad over spring break. Now the Lord has an interesting way of “moving” us where He wants us to go. In my case, He just let things get so bad in Florida that living in Vermont with my dad looked like a vacation. Anyway, during that trip I decided to drop out of college and move to Vermont. After I got back from visiting my dad, I broke the news to my mom that I wanted to move. It was one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do, and I know it was one of the hardest things she’s ever had to hear. But it was time for me to move on and see what the Lord had for my life.
Living in Vermont and joining the Fishermen Ministries was quite a shock to my system. I was learning about the Bible in ways I never had imagined. I was learning every day just how much I NEEDED Jesus. For so many years I was told just how “special” I was, and I had forgotten that my place was as the Lord’s SERVANT and not His master. The ministry really focused on how we are His body and He is our head. The body is to follow the head’s instructions and direction, not dictate to the head how it is supposed to live.
This brought me to another realization late in August of ‘89. It was that I did not love the Lord. I had come to understand that the Lord’s perspective of love is actually “preference” or choice and not a feelling. The truth is that I really “preferred” myself to everything else and it is something that I still struggle with daily.
Once I had come to the conclusion that I was my own idol, that my heart was full of pride and not the spirit of God, and I saw just how truly destitute I was, the Lord was finally able to get me where He wanted me… down on my knees. The Lord continues to work on me every day. Sometimes I do well and other times my humaness wins out and I’m back on my knees yet again. I will always need Jesus.
There are many other smaller “turning points” in my life, but I want to jump ahead to September of 2000. I was engaged to a girl, and, to say the least, things were not going well. In fact, her father drove over 1000 miles to tell me that if I planned to marry his daughter, it would be a “bloody, bloody day.” There was a lot more going on, but the short version is that I packed my car and headed down to South Carolina where my Father had moved several years before.
The idea was to spend a couple of weeks down there to let things cool off up in Vermont. The bigger picture was that my Dad had asked me a couple of years before to consider moving down to help him in the ministry. And again, I did not want to give up “my life” in Vermont, besides I was way too “important” to the business and the ministry in Vermont. I guess I hadn’t learned much in 11 years. I was at the same place yet again, and again the Lord allowed circumstances to move me where He wanted me despite myself.
Once in South Carolina I decided to make it my home, and not to return to Vermont. I was beginning to feel a bit like Jonah. “Go to Vermont… Go to South Carolina… No… ok, here’s a little time in hell to help you make up your mind to do what I said in the first place.” Once again I was down on my knees asking the Lord’s forgiveness and there was freedom and joy that I had not had in a long time. Being in the Lord’s will is the only place to experience true freedom and Joy.
In about 1 month I met Sue in an on-line Christian chat room and the rest, as they say, is history. She was born and raised in South Africa and was living in Johannesburg when we first started chatting via the internet. In another month, now the middle of November, we were talking marriage. On February 3rd 2001 I met Sue for the first time (in real life) and on February 14th 2001 we were married by the justice of the peace and moved into our first apartment. The Lord has used our marriage as one of the single biggest teaching tools in my Christian walk. But that would take a book to explain.
Part of the plan with me moving to South Carolina was to help dad with the yearly tent revivals. The plan was that I would travel and help with the music while working my “day” job to keep up with my client work. Well, all this was well and good before I was married, but now I had a wife and “responsibilities” and yes, “my life.” Come June, when we were supposed to start thinking about hitting the road, I was looking for every possible way to get out of going. This time the Lord intervened in a more direct method. My dad came to me one day and in a way that even I could understand, told me that I was going on this trip.
Now, I know that I have free will and there was a big part of me that wanted to tell him where he could go, but then I felt the hand of the Lord hit me square in the back of the head, and He had my attention. This time I hit my knees before I had totally screwed things up and I determined in myself that I was going to submit AND LIKE IT. You see, this is where Love really starts. I call it “hitting the rock.” It is the rock of “preference” in that I choose to prefer His will over mine, “Father, not my will but your will be done.” And it is not enough just to “obey.” That is why His word tells us to “obey and submit.” They are not one and the same. To obey is to physically do what you are told. To submit is to inwardly deny yourself and choose what is God’s plan and to adjust your attitude and your likes and dislikes to match His. I wish more Christians today understood this principal.
Once I had resolved myself to go, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. I’ve never forgotten that moment or that experience and I use it to remind myself when I come to those places of choice in my life today.
Sue and I currently still live in South Carolina and we have a small fellowship that meets in our home twice a week. In 2007 Sue and I saw the birth of our first child Naomi. Now I’ve got another set of lessons ahead of me. I’m learning what it means to “come to the rock” every day. My desire is to be a profitable servant to the Lord and a loving, caring husband to my wife, and a father to our daughter. I know that I can only succeed in Jesus.